I’ve been dreading winter, it rained for a whole week and I felt myself slipping into the dark corners of my mind. I was constantly fearful of the depression lurking around the corner, lying in wait to tackle me to the floor and hold me in its death grip. Then today happened.
I don’t want this time to end, it’s so peaceful. An anxiety creeps up in knowing the time is drawing near. But I won’t let it steal my peace. Instead I choose to feel grateful, grateful for these few moments that are a gift to me. I’ll enjoy these moments and gather all the strength I can from the joy and peace that is here. They will have to sustain me for days, weeks, maybe months to come. I don’t know when the next moment will be, but that’s ok. They come and they go and they come again. I thank God for the trials because I am at least alive to experience them, I thank God that even among the many trials I also experience joy, love, and peace. If I had to choose death or a long life of suffering that had even a glimmer of hope of experiencing a few short moments like this, I would choose life, because it is precious and it is a gift from God, even when it hurts. Be grateful, it will change your life.
I cling to the image of flying above the clouds on an airplane with the sun’s warm rays on my face, and then descending to my destination, only to find out it was gray and rainy. The sun will continue to shine, even when I can’t see it or feel it, it’s there, and I will see it and feel it again. Winter is coming, but so is summer.